When Love Hurts: Counterfeit Love vs. God-Sent Love

Fawneve Ravenwood
Feb 12
6 min read

Love is one of the most powerful forces in the world. It can heal, restore, and uplift—but when love is counterfeit, it can also wound, deceive, and destroy. Many of us have been conditioned to believe that love is always self-sacrificing, always forgiving, and always enduring. But what happens when love is used as a weapon? What happens when it’s a tool for manipulation instead of a reflection of Christ?

The Bible warns us about deception in 2 Timothy 3:6 (NKJV):

"For of this sort are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts."

This verse speaks of those who prey on the vulnerable, using charm, manipulation, and deceit to gain control. It’s a sobering reminder that not all who claim to love us have pure intentions—and not everyone who calls themselves a Christian is truly walking with Christ.

The Trap of Counterfeit Love

I know this truth firsthand.

I once believed I had found a man of God, someone who spoke the language of faith and seemed to embody everything I had prayed for. He quoted scripture, attended church, and spoke of God’s love—yet behind closed doors, his actions told a different story. I fell into his web of lies, mistaking manipulation for leadership, control for protection, and his self-righteousness for spiritual strength.

What I thought was love turned into a nightmare of domestic violence. With broken bones, blood drawn, and a shattered spirit. The same hands that lifted in prayer and worship on Sunday were the same hands that were used for intimidation and violence when no one was watching. The words that once assured me of devotion became weapons of manipulation and control.

I had been deceived.

The enemy knows how to disguise himself as an angel of light (2 Corinthians 11:14). He knows how to use scripture to keep women trapped in abuse, twisting verses like “forgive seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:22) to manipulate victims into staying silent. But what these abusers never quote is the command for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her (Ephesians 5:25). They never mention that love does not enslave, love does not terrorize, and love does not break bones.

It's important to know the difference between counterfeit love and God-sent love.

Counterfeit Love vs. God-Sent Love

Counterfeit Love:

Looks good on the surface but lacks true depth.
Uses scripture as a weapon to control, manipulate, and guilt-trip.
Promises protection but isolates you from family, friends, and support.
Requires you to sacrifice your peace, safety, and well-being to maintain the relationship.
Distorts forgiveness by demanding repeated endurance of abuse.
Speaks the words of God but lacks the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).

God-Sent Love:

Reflects Christ’s character—it is patient, kind, and never self-seeking (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).
Encourages spiritual growth without manipulation or coercion.
Brings peace and security, not fear and instability.
Protects rather than harms—a true man of God will cover, not crush.
Honors boundaries and respects free will.
Does not demand submission at the expense of dignity and safety.

Wise as Serpents, Harmless as Doves

Jesus gave us clear instructions in Matthew 10:16 (NKJV):

"Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves."

This means we must educate ourselves about deception, manipulation, and abuse. Being loving does not mean being naïve. We must recognize the wolves in sheep’s clothing before they sink their teeth into us.

Being wise as serpents means:

Learning the tactics of abusers—how they charm, isolate, and control.
Understanding that not every man who claims to follow Christ actually does.
Recognizing red flags early and setting firm boundaries.
Knowing that God does not condone abuse, and neither should we.

Being harmless as doves means:

We do not seek revenge, but we do seek justice and protection.
We do not fight evil with evil, but we stand in truth and refuse to be a victim.
We find safety, healing, and restoration in God’s love.

Breaking Free and Embracing True Love

If you’ve been wounded by counterfeit love, know this: God sees you. He has never abandoned you, and His love is nothing like what you’ve experienced. Psalm 34:18 (NKJV) reminds us:

"The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit."

Healing begins when we recognize the difference between false love and God’s love. Love does not leave bruises. Love does not break bones. Love does not require suffering to prove itself.

If love has left you hurting, take heart. The One who created love is calling you into His arms, where you will find true safety, healing, and restoration.

You Are Worthy of Real Love

No one deserves to live in fear, manipulation, or abuse. If you’re in a situation where love has turned to control, seek help. God’s plan for you is one of peace, joy, and freedom. His love heals, restores, and never fails.

Let 2 Timothy 3:6 be a reminder to guard your heart and seek the love that truly reflects Christ—the love that doesn’t hurt but heals.

If This Resonated with You

You might be asking yourself, “What do I do now?” Maybe you’re in the middle of a situation where love has become painful, controlling, or even dangerous. Maybe you’ve started recognizing the signs of counterfeit love in your own life but feel trapped, unsure of how to escape.

Let me remind you of this truth: God did not create you to live in fear, abuse, or bondage. He is a God of freedom, and He wants to see you safe, whole, and healed.

Recognizing When It’s Time to Leave

One of the biggest lies the enemy tells victims of abuse is that they must endure it in silence. But God does not call us to suffer under the weight of oppression. Psalm 82:4 (NKJV) says:

“Deliver the poor and needy; free them from the hand of the wicked.”

If you are experiencing domestic violence, you need to know that it is not your fault, and you are not alone. Here are some clear signs that it’s time to seek help:

Your partner physically harms you (hitting, choking, pushing, or restraining).
You feel like you’re walking on eggshells, afraid of triggering their anger.
They use Bible verses to manipulate and control rather than uplift and encourage.
They isolate you from friends, family, or church community.
They control your finances, phone, or ability to leave the house.
You have fear instead of peace in your relationship.

If any of these sound familiar, it’s time to take action.

Steps to Take if You Are in an Abusive Relationship

1. Reach Out for Help

You do not have to go through this alone. There are people who care about you and want to help. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

For confidential support, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at:

📞 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)📲 Text “START” to 88788💻 Visit www.thehotline.org for live chat support

There are also faith-based organizations that can help:

Focus on the Family’s Counseling Line – 1-855-771-HELP (4357)
Domestic Abuse Intervention Ministries (DAIM) – www.abuseintervention.org
Broken4Breakthrough Coaching - See Services Tab

2. Create a Safety Plan

If leaving immediately is not an option, start preparing. A safety plan includes:

A safe place to go (a friend’s house, a shelter, or a trusted church member’s home).
A packed bag with important documents, cash, keys, and essentials.
A code word to alert trusted friends or family if you are in danger.
A plan for transportation—know where you can go and how to get there quickly.

3. Set Strong Boundaries

If you are not in immediate physical danger but recognize emotional or spiritual abuse, you still need to take action. Setting boundaries is a powerful step:

Seek wise counsel from a pastor, Christian counselor, or trusted mentor.
Stop making excuses for their behavior—abuse is not justifiable.
Limit communication or go no contact if possible.

4. Seek Healing and Support

Leaving an abusive relationship is not just about physical safety—it’s also about emotional and spiritual healing. Trauma leaves deep wounds, but God is a healer.

Christian counseling can help you process your pain and rebuild your identity.
Support groups can connect you with others who understand what you’re going through.
Spending time in God’s presence can renew your strength—He is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18).

5. Know That God’s Love is Nothing Like Counterfeit Love

If you’ve been conditioned to believe that love equals suffering, you need to hear this: God’s love does not harm, belittle, or abuse. He calls you His beloved daughter, worthy of real love that is patient, kind, and safe (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).

If you are struggling with guilt, shame, or confusion, remember:

You are not weak for leaving. You are strong for choosing freedom.
You are not breaking a covenant by escaping abuse. Abuse breaks the covenant, not you.
God is not angry at you for seeking safety. He is a refuge in times of trouble (Psalm 46:1).

You Are Not Alone

If you are in an abusive situation, help is available. Do not let fear, shame, or manipulation keep you in bondage. God has a plan for your life, and it does not include abuse.

Reach out. Make a plan. Find freedom. God is with you, and He will never leave you.